Webinar: “Understanding the New Sex Points System with Dr. Bat Sheva”
Presenter: Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus
Air Date: March 24, 2021
*Our webinars are open to enrolled Sex Coach U students and current members of the World Association of Sex Coaches only. Click here for more information about enrolling in our program.
As sexuality professionals who provide holistic, comprehensive sex coaching, we address all dimensions of sexuality—mind, emotions, body, energy, and spirit—with our clients. For those of us who do not have medical training in our background, exploring all of these areas may be intimidating and leave us feeling uncertain at times. For example, how can we best support clients whose capacity for orgasm is disrupted by taking an SSRI or oral contraceptive? What approach do we take with a client who experiences physical pain associated with vaginismus or vulvodynia?
In our coaching practices, we will probably see clients with these concerns and others that involve a medical aspect. We need to be equipped with information and suggestions to guide clients through these issues. In this webinar, Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus presented her multi-point system that sexuality professionals can use with clients. Her new book is Sex Points: Reclaim Your Sex Life with the Revolutionary Multi-point System. The book is appropriate for professionals and non-professionals.
Dr. Bat Sheva is a Certified Sex Therapist, author, and lecturer. She is the co-founder and director of Maze Women’s Health, the largest independent women’s sexual health center in the United States. You can find out more about Dr. Bat Sheva, her media appearances, and her clinical work at her website drbatsheva.com. Be sure to check her out on Instagram @drbatsheva.
Dr. Bat Sheva’s system is remarkable and revolutionary because it includes the medical aspects of sexuality in the comprehensive care of sexuality issues without medicalizing or pathologizing. The system is informed, holistic, and accessible. If you want to learn about a tool that will help you feel confident and competent when incorporating the medical aspect of sexual wellness into your coaching practice, check out this webinar.
How To Gain Sex Points
“We need to start looking much more holistically at our clients and understanding the incredible number of ways in which different aspects of their life, their medical histories, their personal histories, and their current behaviors are affecting their sex lives.”
In the webinar, Dr. Bat Sheva explained how the Sex Points system works, and she gave us some real-life examples of how points are lost or gained. In the Sex Points system, a cisgender female needs to be around the 100-point threshold for her to feel sexually satisfied. Some things must be tolerated. Some things can be altered. Kids banging on the door definitely takes away points. The ability to fantasize adds points. The strategy is to increase point-adders and eliminate point-takers as much as possible so the client gets the points they need.
Dr. Bat Sheva provided the following illustration. Someone walking around with soaring hormones, good health, and a new relationship needs only a few points to get to 100. Someone who has relationship issues, hormone level fluctuations, and a stressful job has many points being taken away from her. She needs more points added to get to 100.
The Four Quadrants of the Sex Points System
Breaking down clients’ issues into different quadrants is helpful. The Sex Points system is based on four areas where cisgender female clients often experience sexual concerns: desire, arousal, orgasm, and pain. Problems with desire, such as decreased interest in sex, can range from mild to severe. Difficulties with arousal may include conditions like hypoactive arousal disorder and persistent genital arousal syndrome. Problems with orgasms include primary or secondary inability to achieve orgasm, delayed orgasm, or weakening orgasm. Pain syndromes like vaginismus, vulvodynia, and vestibulodynia can be primary or secondary.
Dr. Bat Sheva explained these are four concrete, disparate areas of sexual wellness where clinicians can start to see the source of the client’s concerns. When we use the Sex Points system, we can also see how these areas affect each other. For example, missing points in one may create missing points in other areas. Or missing points in one area may be compensated for by adding extra points in another area. Some issues overlap. Fantasies and vibrators add points in both the arousal and orgasm quadrants. Complicated emotions can take away points from the desire, arousal, and orgasm quadrants.
The system/book was developed/written with cisgender female clients and their specific issues in mind. That said, Dr. Bat Sheva pointed out some of the content related to desire, arousal, and orgasm may apply to all/any clients. For example, anyone can lose points in the desire area if there is unresolved anger in a relationship, regardless of gender or sexuality.
“You’re not broken. There is nothing wrong with you. We just need to look at how to make your sex life richer.”
Helping Clients Get Sex Points
Dr. Bat Sheva concluded the webinar with a brief description of the process of using The Sex Points system with clients. The process, which is detailed in the book, starts with the client taking a simple, straightforward quiz that can help us get a comprehensive snapshot of our client’s sex life. There is a short version of the quiz available on Dr. Bat Sheva’s website. Once the quiz results are in, we work with the client to find concrete ways to add points to it. The book includes suggestions for ways to add points in each of the four areas.
“There is a way. I promise you, there is always a way. It’s just a matter of understanding from a holistic perspective what’s happening with your sex life.”
Dr. Bat Sheva reminded us we might hold hope for our clients, normalize their concerns, and help them move forward to a better sex life. And, through the Sex Points book, she gave us a comprehensive and compassionate tool to work with clients.