During this time of year, I often notice a disconnect between what our bodies are asking of us and what we are actually doing.
As sexuality professionals, a huge part of our work is finding ways for our clients to exist in more harmony with their bodies. This can look quite differently depending on the needs of the client.
But at the heart of our work is the idea that we help our clients shed narratives and misconceptions that don’t serve them—guiding them toward working with the innate flow of their inner world.
So this year, I’d like to encourage my fellow sexuality professionals to practice what we preach and go inward for the end of the year. In this article, I’ll walk you through different ways we can go inward and why doing so is important for us as sexuality professionals and entrepreneurs.
Being Rather than Doing
Students at Sex Coach U learn about the concept called “Extreme Self Care” (ESC) as it relates to their work as Certified Sex Coaches. It’s the idea that we can’t truly be of service unless we are first taking care of ourselves. ESC can be implemented in so many ways. I’d like to touch on ESC in the context of “being” rather than doing.
It’s easy for us to fall into the trap of always “doing” when we work for ourselves. Without external guidance, you might feel like you aren’t being productive enough, or achieving enough—and you might think the response to this feeling is to do more to close that gap.
But what if the answer isn’t doing more, but being more? What if, instead of putting more effort into our various tasks and to-do lists, we focused more on existing in our bodies and being present in the moment?
This time of year, a lot of us feel the urge to slow down and do less. Our bodies want to lie down, we long to spend quality time with loved ones, light candles, and watch movies.
But this natural intuition to adjust to the season is often interrupted by guilt and shame for not being productive.
What would we tell our clients if this was in a sexual context? I’m willing to bet most of us would suggest following those cues to slow down and relax without guilt.
After a full year of work and productivity, we deserve time to rest and relax. As entrepreneurs, this is extra important, because we have to give that permission to ourselves instead of receiving it from an external authority.
By giving ourselves permission to rest, we can return to the work healthier and happier, centered in ourselves, and rededicated to our mission. Instead of burning out, we burn brighter.
So from one sex coach to another, this is your permission slip to BE more this season instead of doing more.
Reflection On the Year
Going inward for the end of the year can also involve reflection in many forms. Reflection practices can range from simple to complex—starting with answering a simple question like, “What was a highlight of the year?” and moving toward more complex practices like going over your finances for the year and analyzing the data.
No matter how deep you go with this practice, reflection is a great way to go inward during this season. Reflect on your personal and professional life, looking back on where you grew as a spiritual being and how your business grew. Consider what worked well in your business, and what didn’t serve you well. What big lessons did you learn? What did you accomplish?
Rather than pushing yourself to deliver even more during this season, I encourage you to take the time to really celebrate what you’ve already done. Celebrating your wins is something we should be doing all year long, but it’s especially valuable during this time to look back over the whole year and acknowledge your accomplishments.
By taking the time to go inward and reflect, you give yourself the space to tune in mindfully to your life and your business. This will allow you to move into the new year in a fresh way, feeling grounded, centered, and in alignment with your values.
What I Have Found to Be Helpful
In the past, I have found this time of year to be wildly stressful. I have various events and parties to attend, the weather change throws my whole routine out of whack, and I get overwhelmed trying to get everything done. With everything going on, certain things naturally fall to the wayside (namely admin work and taking care of my body), which just makes me feel guilty. This cycle has always left me feeling resentful, stressed, and quite frankly ill because I’m pushing myself too hard.
I’ve learned various ways to break out of this cycle that rears its head every year. And the first step is always acceptance.
I consciously decided to take about a month “off” of the hustle and grind. I decided that this month won’t be my most productive, and that’s okay. I have found that when I make this decision, the guilt I feel from a lack of productivity is lessened. I now have more space in my mind and body to turn inward and do the nurturing things I know are better for me.
From this decision of acceptance, I am able to spend more time connecting with my body, reflecting on the last year, working with sensuality, and fully enjoying time with my family. I journal, light candles, play games, and talk with my loved ones. I savor the coziness instead of resenting the cold weather, and I create new traditions that are in alignment with my current values of rest and relaxation (like my partner and my annual Harry Potter movie marathon!)
Since implementing this new perspective of going inward for the end of the year, I am less stressed and more able to take advantage of a season that asks me to rest.
Are you ready to slow down and go inward this season? As the year comes to an end, taking this time is invaluable to your mind, spirit, and your business. Let’s listen to the signs and our body’s cues and work with our intuition instead of against it. We will thank ourselves for it in the new year!
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