Working with clients through pregnancy can introduce unexpected questions to coaching: “Will sex hurt my baby?” “Can my baby feel my partner’s penis?” “Is orgasm okay?” And so on. These are standard questions a lot of sex coaches already know how to answer. But my favorite has been, “At what point do we need to stop spanking?” Our kinky clients need to know how they can still have safe BDSM fun while pregnant.

I love this for so many reasons—but especially because the expectant mother who asked me that question was confident in her desires and was devoted to living her best and most sexy life! As sex coaches know, we are more frequently called on to help new mothers “get their sexy back,” the flip side of this situation.

So, what do you do when a pregnant human asks you about BDSM during the gestational period?

Going Back to BDSM Basics

Let’s go back to BDSM 101. It’s all about knowing your limits, communication and negotiation, and having fun while intentionally playing with elements of deliberate power imbalances and/or intense sensation. All of these still apply during pregnancy, with an added layer of attention to safety.

Now, let’s get this out of the way: pregnant bodies are not inherently fragile. However, each pregnant body is different. The body’s center of gravity changes, sensitivities might increase or decrease, desires may be different.  More blood and hormones are circulating throughout the body. 

Not to mention the dynamic between partners may have shifted: there may be an increased sense of protectiveness and caution, increased arousal by the curvier, ever-changing pregnant body—or distress by all the changes! Both partners may be feeling feelings, and each might have their own distinct set of concerns.

This is normal and okay.

How BDSM Can Be Explored Safely While Pregnant

So, if you are coaching a kinky pregnant person, what do you do? Start with a few questions:

  • What do you want to do?
  • Who is in what role? What does that involve?
  • What has been your experience of these activities up until now? What might need to be adjusted?
  • What is comfortable for you now?
  • What do you desire out of this?

This is not an exhaustive list, but it is a place to start assessing the context, desires, and potential hazards. Pregnancy is probably not the best time to start exploring impact play or suspension bondage, but it could be an opportunity to explore new sensations or even switch up power dynamics. For the experienced player, it’s an opportunity to reassess their current desires and limits in light of the developing conditions.

If your client is an experienced player, help them look at what they have been doing already and assess what feels good and interesting now. Explore the possibilities that are available in the moment and notice where the new limits might need to be. Reassure them that pregnancy is temporary, and although parenthood changes a lot, it does not need to be the end of their sex life—the same as we might tell any other pregnant client.

That’s the thing: being pregnant and kinky really isn’t that different than being pregnant and doing anything else. Every pregnancy is different, even for the same body, so it’s a daily question: what feels good today?

There may be some (temporary) physical limitations and it is important to heed the advice of the attending medical physician, but there is still a lot of terrain to enjoy in terms of sensual pleasure. In some ways, being kinky might be an advantage as it often comes with a degree of creativity and a sense of sexual playfulness.

If your client is new to BDSM and wants to experiment, help them identify what their desires are and how they might start exploring. One example is basic rope play. Perhaps the pregnant person would enjoy having their hands and feet tied to the bed. This can work so long as the pregnant body is in a stable supported position and not challenged to maintain balance. 

Or maybe the pregnant person is the rigger! In that case, being mindful of feats of strength (lifting or shifting their partner’s body) or not leaving their partner unattended while they dash for a quick pee break are probably considerations to have in mind. 

Sensation play does not need to involve impact to be intense or sensual. Help your clients explore their options: what sort of sensations would they like to explore, and how can they do this safely? 

Communication and Flexibility Are Key to Safe Kinky Fun During Pregnancy

Ultimately, encourage your clients to be creative and gentle with one another as they explore. Help them identify their desires and communicate together. Remind them that unpredictable changes are part of pregnancy and this needs to be factored into their plans for sexy times. Also hold space for non-sexual intimacy and bonding. Some days, pregnant or not, all a person wants is a warm cuddle. And that’s okay. But the ultimate answer to the question of whether our clients can still have safe BDSM fun during pregnancy is: Absolutely!

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