Working with couples as a sex coach can bring specific challenges and rewards. It’s challenging to work with couples because, as our CEO and Co-Founder Dr. Patti Britton teaches, you are essentially working with three clients: the two individuals and their relationship! You have to navigate interpersonal communication in session and take into consideration the entirety of TWO whole people at the same time.
It’s also rewarding because you get to witness transformation within a union, right in front of you—and you get to experience the progress and delight of both individuals, as well as the impact this has on their relationship.
Couples come to sex coaching with a whole host of different concerns. Their concerns vary widely depending on both individual backgrounds, lifestyles, and their own relationship styles. Their reasons for seeking our professional help can range from desire discrepancies, breakdowns in communication, to wanting to enhance their already great sex life! This article pulls together some of our past articles to give you a quick snapshot of a few ways you can address couples concerns in your sex coaching practice.
Mismatched Libidos and Resentment in Couples
How frequently a person desires sex is something that is incredibly nuanced and varies from individual to individual. A person’s libido can be impacted by menstrual cycles and hormones, life circumstances and stress, relationship satisfaction, mental health and so much more. It’s normal for desire to fluctuate, and the odds of two people lining up perfectly all the time are slim—especially in long term relationships.
But when desire is mismatched in a relationship, resentment can often come into play, which can create a nasty cycle of dissatisfaction. The good news is, sex coaching can help!
In my article on this topic, I discuss the different ways we can help our clients break out of this resentment cycle and get them to a more empathetic and understanding place with each other. I give role-playing examples to use in session, ways to discuss intimacy outside of sex, and how to work with couples on managing their expectations of each other. Read the full article here.
The Glass Half Full Approach
When a couple seeks out a professional’s help such as a sex coach, often they come into session with a largely negative outlook on their situation. Maybe they are harboring a lot of pain, guilt, resentment, or anger from their relationship. It can be daunting to hold space for that pain—but it’s important to do so.
What’s even more important as you work with couples clients like this is to keep a positive, “glass half full” perspective on their relationship. Sex coaching is not a modality that is meant to dwell on the past, or dig deep into painful memories and bring them out in session. No, this modality is one of forward-moving guidance and building a positive future! So, the glass half full approach is imperative to working with couples.
In this article, Certified Sex Coach™ and former Student Advisor for SCU Agnieszka Szeżyńska writes about how to use the glass half full approach with clients. She discusses possible exercises to use with your clients, a note taking method that can help keep you on track, and the value of switching your couples’ narratives. Read the full article here.
Long Distance Couples & Sex Tech
In your work, you might encounter a couple who live in different places, and they might have specific needs due to their circumstances. Being in a long distance relationship (LDR) can have its own special challenges and rewards. Navigating a lack of physical intimacy, differing communication styles, and finding creative ways to keep the romance alive are just a few things that might be involved in sex coaching this type of client.
In this article, Certified Sex Coach™ and SCU Faculty Member Dr. Norelyn Parker writes about how the evolution of sex tech can be hugely benefical to this kind of relationship. She discusses the immense possibilities in current and future sex-tech, such as texting, video chat, remote sex toys, feedback devices, and even sex robots. She also touches on the applicable phase model of separation used by military couples, and how to use our signature client-assessment system MEBES© to help your clients who are experiencing physical separation.
Sex tech can be hugely beneficial in this area—probably in ways you had never thought of! Read the full article here.
BDSM As a Path to Intimacy
One area of concern that a couple might bring to your practice is their perceived lack of intimacy in the relationship. Sexless marriages are more common than you think, and a lot of couples (married or not) experience a dip in their emotional or sexual closeness.
We all want to be close to and feel loved by our partners. Sex coaching can help bring couples back to a place of vibrancy, electricity, and deep intimacy. One way we can do this is to take a line (or a whole play!) out of the BDSM playbook.
In this article, Certified Sex Coach™ and SCU Faculty Member Dr. Celina Criss writes about how BDSM can be a path to deeper intimacy. She discusses the values and actions of the kinky community, and how these things can apply to and benefit anyone (kinky or not). She talks about self-acceptance, intentional co-creativity, and deep vulnerability well known to the BDSM world, but applicable to everyone.
The world of couples work in sex coaching is vast—with so many nuances and different approaches available. But one thing that withstands throughout is the idea that sex coaching aims to guide and support couples in living their best and most authentic sexual lives. It’s a beautiful and magical thing to witness the transformation happen. And it’s an honor to be able to help a couple experience the shift together.
Curious about training to become a Certified Sex Coach™? Join the next live Info Session to meet the SCU team and participate in a live Q&A!
