The holiday of love is upon us and what better time to talk about relationships, intimacy and connection?
It’s the favorite holiday of many sex coaches, including me—because we love helping our couples clients build the sexual relationships of their dreams and acheive their full potential as sexual beings. We promote pleasure, intimacy, and connection for all our clients!
In order to do this, sex coaches will work through a myriad of different concerns brought to them. One of the most common being a lack of sex or desire for sexual connection. Whether it’s a packed schedule leaving no time for intimacy, a lack of trust, or shame cycles causing this discrepancy—a sex coach is armed with the knowledge and expertise to move couples to their desired relationship container.
But how exactly does a sex coach achieve this goal?
The answer isn’t simple. Sex coaching is dynamic and the concrete conversations or exercises that take place are hugely dependent on both the coach and the client. It changes all the time based on what the client needs. It is not one size fits all. That’s the beauty of this practice; every sex coach is different and so clients are able to find someone that really fits well with them.
In a previous article, I shared with you how three different sex coaches address a client who just can’t seem to find the time for their home assignments.
In this article, I’ll delve into the essence of how sex coaches work with their couples clients to promote intimacy by sharing a few examples straight from SCU sex coaches.
Low Stakes Homework
Certified Sex Coach™ Emily Clarice prefers to assign her couples low-stakes homework. When couples are looking to foster an intimate connection, performance pressure can severely hinder relaxation and therefore block any kind of intimate connection. If one person feels a lot of pressure, it can throw off the energy between the couple by a lot.
Low-stakes assignments are great because they take this pressure off the table. Rather, they give the client space and freedom to connect without worrying if they are performing well enough.
For example, Emily will suggest to her clients to dance to one song together, to create a sensual dance playlist together, or spend 10 minutes gazing into each other’s eyes. None of these assignments are sexual in nature, but they still promote the connection and intimacy needed for the desired sexual experiences later on.
Other assignments she gives are cooking a meal together, completing the Jaiya Erotic Blueprint quiz together, and making a list of things about their partner that turn them on.
The goal of these assignments is to take sexual pressure out of the equation, and focus on the intimate connection between the couple.
Erotic Intimacy Assignments
Certified Sex Coach™ Dr. Celina Criss assigns her clients some juicy and erotic ways to play in order to foster intimacy.
One assignment she gives her couples clients is called a Body Tour. This involves taking your partner on a tour of your body, sharing about all the places you love to be touched. Or it can involve traveling your partner’s body and worshiping at each “stop.” She says you can share things like “I love the way your eyes get stormy when you’re aroused” or “This skin is so soft.”
A body tour can break a couple out of their sexual routine, inviting new and exciting energy into the bedroom. It can also teach the couple a lot about their partner’s body, maybe even giving them information they didn’t have previously.
Another assignment she likes to give her couples is to play the game Never Have I Ever.. But I’d Like To Try… For this game, couples share their fantasies with each other, and learn more about each other’s inner sexual worlds. This assignment can also lead to exciting new experiences if their fantasies are compatible! It’s also just a fun way to learn something new about your partner.
Communication Intimacy Assignments
Sometimes a client’s personal idea of intimacy involves the art of conversation. Going deep and connecting on a soul level through intimate conversations can help a couple feel a million times more connected, understood, and seen, which can help them achieve their goal of fostering more intimacy.
SCU student Amanda Vee plans on offering her future couples clients a fantastic resource from the Gottman Institute that is designed to open up the lines of conversation that might have gotten stagnant. It’s an app called “Card Decks” that includes cards with questions from different categories—all designed to get the conversation going.
The categories include sex questions, date questions, open ended questions, “I Feel” questions, love maps, and rituals of connections. Amanda explains that rituals of connection, “offer ideas of connection that each person might want to incorporate into their relationship. Each person is encouraged to explain why it’s important, how and when it should happen, and how it was handled or mishandled in your family of origin.”
Amanda explains that her personal style of addressing this concern is a mix of two theories—one being that knowing everything about your partner can make you feel more connected, and the other being that keeping some things a mystery helps the relationship stay fresh and exciting. She explains, “Some couples need more of one and some need more of the other. Communication is the only way to know for sure.”
There are so many different ways sex coaches can guide couples to a more intimate and connected place. Specific methods, exercises, or home assignments might differ—but the essence behind the work is the same. What leads this work is a desire to guide our clients to a more empowered place, where they have the tools to make the necessary changes and build the relationship of their dreams.
Happy Valentine’s Day!