Can sex coaching be successful for a client if they can’t make time for home assignments? A lot of the work that happens in a sex coaching relationship actually happens outside of the sessions. Sex coaches usually assign “homework” or home assignments for the client to do outside of sessions, often in the form of activities or exercises. These assignments might take the shape of mindfulness practices, body image exercises, or intimacy activities. They could be a wide variety of different things, depending on the concern the sex coach is working through with their client.
This is where the client gets to integrate and experience the shifts and transformations that happen in the “container” of a sex coaching session.
These assignments are important because coaching aims to guide clients forward in their journey. Movement and progress can really only happen when the client takes action toward their goals.
But what do you do when a client just can’t find the time to dedicate to the assignments and exercises?
What if a couples client comes to you, wanting to make transformations in their sex life, but they are caught up with demanding careers, managing a household, and taking care of the kids? What if they claim they have no time to dedicate to the assignments you give?
It can put you, as the sex coach, in a frustrating position. You believe in your clients, you can see their potential, and yet they aren’t able to progress or move forward in coaching because their demanding lives leave them exhausted and with booked schedules.
You want to help them, and know that you can, but if they can’t find any time to take their own action, you might feel stuck and unable to guide them toward progress.
Here is what a few sex coaches have to say about helping a couple-client that is struggling to dedicate time to the work.
Find Time for Assignments by Taking Inventory
Certified Sex Coach™ Angela Locashio suggests taking an activity inventory. She explains, “It’s like counting calories, you don’t realize what you are eating until you have to break it down.”
For this activity, your client writes down everything they do each hour for two weeks, and at their next session, you work with them to evaluate where their time is being spent. Be sure to give them specific suggestions on ways to cut back and create more space in their schedule, or ways they can combine activities and do them together.
For example, can their children help with chores around the house on weekends? Can they begin meal-planning to cut back on time spent making dinner? These reevaluations will not only help to free up time in their schedule, they can subsequently help decrease overall stress and free up space in their minds for more intimacy and connection.
By beginning with this exercise before anything else, all of the pressure for sexual exercises is off and the focus is solely on how to make sex coaching work in their current lives. This can help build a foundation to support them spending more time together.
Once you’ve done this together and their schedule is freed up a bit more, you can then consider adding some fun activities to help move them forward gradually in rediscovering each other’s sexual desires and wishes.
Mini-Unions Throughout The Day for Assignments
Certified Sex Coach™ Dr. Stacy Freidman suggests advising your client to find little pockets of time throughout the day to invest in the exercises or assignments given. Can they begin showering together? Can they take 30 minutes of their hour-long lunch break for a quickie? Can they try replacing an hour of scrolling on their phones at night with intimate connection?
Talk to your clients about the intricacies of their schedules and find out where they can squeeze in some purposeful intimacy. Instead of scheduling off a whole night for hours of wild sex, have them make a conscious effort to kiss passionately before leaving for work or cuddle for 10 minutes before making dinner.
Perhaps their sexual expectations are set a little too high, and they expect a long drawn out sexual experience or nothing at all. Try helping your client to reframe how they think about their availability for connection. Shorter time commitments and “quickies” could help respark their desire for one another and set them up with a foundation for longer, steamier experiences later on.
Evaluating Your Client’s Commitment Level
It’s important to remember that sex coaching is a co-active model, and a lot of the work that brings results is done outside of the coaching sessions themselves. Clients must have a certain level of commitment to the work for the work to serve them. If you try and try again to offer solutions and suggestions, and your client consistently falls through—they just might not be coachable at that time. Clients must be willing to put in the work for your suggestions to help them.
If your client is struggling with their own commitment, be sure they fully understand the process of a coaching relationship. Remind them that the work you do in sessions will only help them if they are able to apply it in their own lives.
Listen to your intuition and lovingly evaluate whether or not you are truly able to coach these clients at this time.
Home assignments drive the sex coaching process. Time-management obstacles can be overcome through loving guidance and support if your client is willing to evaluate and adjust their schedule and remain committed to the process.
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