One cornerstone of our sex coaching practice that often goes understated is the power of effective communication. While we navigate complex emotional terrains and grapple with societal norms, we realize the profound impact that simple, open dialogue can have. For many clients, talking about sexual preferences or setting boundaries feels like crossing a minefield—risky and fraught with potential misunderstandings. But we have a unique role here. We can guide them through this tricky landscape, making it not only about a more fulfilling sexual experience but also a richer emotional life. This post will detail three key strategies in sex coaching for sexual communication that can enhance our coaching toolkit, enabling us to facilitate transformative dialogues in and out of the bedroom.

Benefits of Sexual Communication

As we know, the benefits of sexual communication are huge. Not only does communication create more pleasure, it also reduces shame, pain during sex, and relationship difficulties such as feelings of rejection or pressure for sex, among other positive effects. 

Other benefits include:

  • Enhanced connection and pleasure: Openly discussing desires, boundaries, preferences, likes, dislikes, and fantasies can lead to a deeper emotional connection and more satisfying sexual experiences.
  • Increased trust: Engaging in honest sexual communication fosters trust and vulnerability, creating a safe space for both partners to express themselves without judgment.
  • Conflict resolution: Clear communication about sexual issues can help resolve conflicts or misunderstandings, preventing potential resentment or frustration.
  • Better sexual health: Open dialogue about sexual health, including protection and testing, promotes responsible behavior and reduces the risk of sexually transmitted infections.
  • Exploration and experimentation: Communicating about new ideas or trying different activities can lead to exciting experiences and keep the sexual aspect of the relationship fresh and dynamic.

As sex coaches, we help people approach these conversations with respect and understanding, offering our clients helpful tools and perspective shifts, for better results. Here are three ways we do that. 

First: We Normalize Communication About Sex As Healthy and Expected, Rather than Shameful or Taboo. 

People often think that sex is just supposed to be great, if you have a good relationship or if you love each other. Things will just work out, right? Too many people find out the hard way that this isn’t the case. 

Sometimes people think being “good in bed” comes from having a lot of experience or knowing the right techniques. While those things can help, they’re not necessary and may not even be helpful, since your current partner may like completely different things. Let’s face it, all of us like different things at different moments. 

Communication is the game changer that helps people have more pleasure, without shame. When people believe that talking about their intimate life is a wonderful component of sex—rather than a failure to mind-read and please your partner magically—things get exponentially better. 

Sex Coaching for Sexual Communication Can Expand Ideas About What Sex Is and How You Can Engage In It

In our heterocentric and sex-negative culture, the main message that many people learn about sex in their youth is that sex means a penis in a vagina. Everything else is foreplay or not “real” sex. And foreplay isn’t totally necessary in this messaging. 

This is a big factor that contributes to the orgasm gap, as well as other orgasm issues, and a lack of pleasure for many people of all genders. When sex is prescribed and expectations are rigid, at best, it stifles everyone’s potential for pleasure. At worst, it contributes to issues such as painful sex, or feeling pressure to do what’s expected, which can lead to non-consensual or abusive experiences.  

When sexual communication is flowing, both people can talk about what they want and what they don’t want in a much more open way. This means that we can discard those ideas of, “we did what we were supposed to, why didn’t you enjoy it,” or, “why didn’t you orgasm?”  As sex coaches, we help people understand how bodies work, how our bodies don’t always cooperate or line up with what our brain imagines, and how to talk about it when that happens. 

We can help our clients replace that rigid thinking with outside of the box thinking about what does sound enticing. We can ask them:

  • “What you do want?”
  • ”What are your limits and boundaries?” 
  • “What else feels good to do or fantasize about?”

And we can remind our clients that what we like and don’t like is not a given; it’s an ongoing discussion. 

We Empower People To Express Their Boundaries, And Destigmatize Sex And Sexuality

People often agree that people can have different sexual preferences, but there’s still an imaginary line on what is extra taboo. Sometimes that comes from internalized shame about something within, either something that a person enjoys (like BDSM) or some other aspect of who they are as sexual beings (like gender identity or sexual health status). This causes a lot of unnecessary suffering in and out of the bedroom.

As sex coaches, we help people define their own boundaries and destigmatize consensual sexual behaviors and identities. When we shine a light on taboo or stigmatized topics and bring them into the open, in safe and loving ways, it means less shame and more pleasure for all. 

An expectation of open communication can help people negotiate what safety, respect, and trust is to them. We can help people have conversations around STI status and testing. We can give people helpful tools to negotiate around kink, BDSM, and fetishes. We can help people open up their relationship to polyamory or swinging, ensuring that everyone involved feels heard and respected. 

Breaking down these barriers to communication is crucial. Sex coaching for sexual communication can help clients deconstruct the following limiting beliefs: 

  • That sex is supposed to automatically be good if you’re a good partner; 
  • That there’s one right way to have sex and that one way should give you adequate pleasure and orgasms; 
  • That some expressions of sex, relationships, and sexual health are shameful, even though they are consensual adult expressions.  

Helping Our Clients Improve Sexual Communication Can Elevate All of Their Interactions

In our line of work, we are more than just educators or coaches; we are change agents. The frameworks and strategies we’ve explored in this article—from normalizing discussions about sex, expanding conceptualizations of sexual engagement, to encouraging transparent boundary-setting—aren’t just tools for the trade. They are catalysts for deeper emotional and relational well-being. And while the scope of our coaching may focus on the realm of sexual intimacy, the benefits ripple outward, affecting how our clients relate, trust, and communicate in all areas of their lives. 

As we continue to refine our practice, let’s not underestimate the far-reaching impacts of fostering effective communication skills. In doing so, we’re not merely improving sexual experiences; we’re elevating the quality of human interaction and connection.

Curious about training to become a Certified Sex Coach™? We invite you to join the next live Info Session to meet the Sex Coach U team and participate in a live Q&A.