This year has been “a lot,” and that doesn’t seem to be changing. It can feel difficult to manage the stress from grim news updates, restricted social interaction, and general anxiety over the state of the world. It’s all the more challenging if we’re used to seeking help from others who might not be available in the ways we’re used to. The desire to self-soothe is stronger than ever.
Do you remember the survey we did a few months ago, on how the pandemic affects sexual behavior? Here’s a response we saw a lot of: “I want to create sensuality and intimacy, but I don’t have a partner available.”
If you’re not struggling with this yourself, there’s a good chance that some of your clients are. How can you help? Well, when it’s hard for others to meet our needs, we have a beautiful opportunity to self-soothe and meet them ourselves.
Many of us are familiar with this feeling of delicious anticipation: when we’ve had a long day, but we’re looking forward to something special at the end of it. Being excited for a fun, intimate date with someone we love can make our challenges less daunting and melt away our stress. Why not make that date with yourself?
Self-Soothe by Creating Intimacy & Sensuality for One
You are your own safest sex partner. That much has always been true, and it’s especially true as we wait for the development of a safe COVID-19 vaccine. You’re probably familiar with the various physical, mental, and emotional health benefits that masturbation can offer. These positive effects are compounded when you focus on creating an inviting, sensual energetic container for yourself.
To create more sensuality in your solo-play, start by creating as many sensual experiences as you can in your day-to-day life. To be sensual is to live through your senses. This sounds like a no-brainer, but stress does a great job of taking us out of our bodies and rooting us in our own minds. As Dr. Patti says, “Many of us are dead from the neck down.”
To address this, make a point to tune into your senses on purpose, especially when you self-soothe. The next time you find yourself overwhelmed by stress, give yourself a minute to simply feel. Take a deep breath and seek out the physical sensations in your body. Relax the muscles that are tense and tight. Take long, deep breaths, fully exhaling stale air and inhaling fresh, invigorating air. Shake off your stress and turn your attention to the things that feel good in your body, or to the things that feel neutral and fine.
Give yourself a moment to take in your surroundings, as well. What can help you have a pleasurable experience? This could be something as simple as paying attention to the sun’s rays warming you through your office window, the light smell of yesterday’s incense still hanging in the air, or the sight of the home and possessions you worked hard to earn. Whatever you choose, allow yourself some time to bask in the good feeling it gives you. Maximizing your capacity to feel pleasure is essential in creating sensuality anywhere, and essential to life, in general.
Whenever you take these small moments for yourself, be sure to show yourself some love and gratitude! After all, if a partner went out of their way to remind you of ways you could feel great, you’d want to thank them: do the same for yourself.
Discovering Your Self-Soothe & Self-Pleasure Practice
There are endless ways to self-soothe and seduce yourself, and the good news is you can try as many as you want! Since you’re in a lifelong relationship with yourself, try treating yourself like a partner. If your ideal partner was planning the perfectly sensual retreat of your dreams, what would that entail? Make a list of the things you’d love to have someone do for you. Then go through and see how many of those things you can do for yourself.
If you’re looking for a different way to approach this, you can also think about how you’d like someone to make you feel. Often, what we seek from others externally is what we need to give ourselves the most. Do you miss the feeling of another person appreciating you? Appreciate yourself! Face a mirror, look into your own eyes, and be as charming to yourself as you can. Compliment your appearance, the way you walk and talk, your unique presence, and whatever else comes to mind. Really believe what you’re saying, and expand the good feelings that come up. If you’re craving physical affection, give yourself hugs, kisses, and massages. Express gratitude to your body and celebrate how it lets you experience such a rich range of sensations. You really can’t love yourself too much!
In times of high stress and uncertainty, your mental and emotional wellbeing are incredibly important. As we all manage more tension, frustration, and isolation than we might be used to, self-pleasure is a simple, highly effective tool in your self-care arsenal. Lean into this practice and allow it to make this strange time period a little bit easier—you deserve it!
When you take the time to really charm and seduce yourself, it adds something magical to your solo-sex play. It deepens the container you’ve created for yourself and affirms you in your role as your own primary lover. Take pride in this. Self-pleasure is already amazing on its own, and it’s even more so when you recognize and appreciate the effort you’ve put into having a gorgeous, sensual relationship with yourself.
Continue the Conversation
Do you have an intimate, sensual relationship with yourself? Do you feel confident helping your clients create it for themselves, or could you use some guidance? We’d love to hear your thoughts! Join us in our Facebook discussion group, Sex Matters, and let us know what’s on your mind today.