The season of the longest night may be upon us, but here at SCU, we welcome the winter solstice (which hits December 21st) with open arms for it is a time for rest, incubation, light, and celebration.
After the past few years, it feels not only necessary but well deserved to relish the closing of a year and recognize what we choose to bring into the next.
We are nothing if not creatures of ritual and practice. Our systems of self-care are steeped in the deep history of the healers who came before. And while we are sentient beings who may experience seasonal depression and the natural woes of cyclical shifts, we can choose to celebrate the chance to hibernate this season as we prepare for spring’s maternal light.
During these days of ever-impending dusk, I feel a deep reverence toward the ancient Egyptian goddess Hathor—Mother to the sun god Ra and ruler of love, fertility, and the sky. It’s said that her mythological symbolism represents something akin to inspiration, light, and rejuvenation.
I channel her when the chills set in, and when I hear that inner reminder to refill my cup before I can offer it to others.
It’s on with the honey-scented candles.
Up with the divine feminine playlist.
And more of what warms me from the inside out, like a divinely rich hot cacao brimming with fresh herbs.
Extreme self-care at its most luxurious.
Feeling so wrapped up in the snugness that is the SCU community, it only feels right to honor the words and rituals from writers and winters past, as they have shared with us some of their most-adored Yule-time practices.
Excerpt from “A Holiday with Very Sexy Roots,” by Stefanie Weiss, first published December 2020
The Winter Solstice, just a few days before Christmas, marks the moment the Sun moves into the sign of Capricorn. Christmas is thought to be derived from the Pagan tradition of Saturnalia, the celebration of Saturn—the planetary ruler of Capricorn. And the ancient Romans celebrated this holiday in the most orgiastic way possible! (Some Neo-Pagans continue to honor these traditions.) Think of Capricorn and Saturn as the Doms/Dommes of astrology—they give us directions and prefer to be in control.
Some traditions call the Winter Solstice “Yule” (like the Yule log burned on Christmas). Whatever your background, however you celebrate the holidays (or if you don’t celebrate), the Winter Solstice is a day meant for slowing down, getting intimate with yourself, nourishing your soul, and encouraging your clients to do the same.
The Winter Solstice is the ideal time to look at our own shadow material—the part of us that society might call “dark” or “secretive.” As sex coaches, we’re constantly plumbing our own depths and processing any remnants of cultural shame, blame, and otherness.
Now is the perfect time to go even deeper into that essential work. The Winter Solstice invites us to consider anything we’ve buried underground, just like the seeds currently hidden under the frozen soil that will eventually warm and emerge in spring, and blossom by summer. This practice will also help us deepen the work we do with our clients. You might even want to borrow or modify this ritual to share with yours.
Excerpt from “Season of Light,” by Inara de Luna, Editor-in-Chief, originally published December 2017
In the northern hemisphere, we are approaching the longest night of the year. Ancient peoples anxiously anticipated the return of the sun, not sure if the darkness would last forever.
The winter holidays can be stressful and even depressing for many people. The commercialization of the holidays, along with the seemingly endless social obligations, can wear on you. For those who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, the increasingly long nights can make it difficult to function. And anyone who has lost a loved one, especially in the last year, may struggle with loneliness and depression during this time of year.
But the wheel of the year continues to turn. The sun does come back. If you take care of yourself during the darkness, the light and the joy will eventually return to your life, as well. And then you can be the beacon of light and hope for others who may be struggling through their own sexual or relational darkness.
Excerpt from “Thank You For Being a Light,” by Inara de Luna, Editor-in-Chief, originally published in December 2018
Photo by Dhivakaran S from Pexels
Many holidays around this time of year feature light in some form, whether as candles, crowns of light, lights on trees or houses, ritual relighting of candles after snuffing out every other light, burning a yule log, sitting vigil during the longest night of the year to ensure the return of the sun, or honoring the birthday of various sun/son gods.
We also love to transcend differences during the cold, dark, harsh winter season. Many people give to charity, volunteer at shelters and food banks, and contribute in all sorts of other ways to help those less fortunate than themselves.
This time of year is often used as a period of reflection, as an opportunity to commune deeply with the divine, and to reconnect with spirit.
As sex coaches, we can embody all of these seasonal themes of light, love, and spirit.
We are often the lights shining in the darkness of sexually repressed cultures. We carry the torch of belief that all people have a right to pleasure and sexual health.
We do what we do from a place of deep caring and love. We wish to transform the world’s relationship to sexuality and we work toward this goal by compassionately helping people as they show up for our sessions and workshops.
On the MEBES® Wheel, the letter “S” stands for spirit and represents the interaction between our spirit and our sexuality. When we work with clients from this approach, we help them heal the split between sex and spirit.
Thank you for being the light of love, hope, and compassion, and for carrying the torch of sex positivity in your community. Even if you haven’t gone through our Certified Sex Coach training program, if you’re on this list, it means that you hold similar values and beliefs about the importance of sexual freedoms and the rights of everyone to sexual health, education and pleasure. We welcome and celebrate you.
This holiday season, may you be filled with the light of inspiration and the warm glow of confidence, knowing that you are indeed part of a global movement to make the world more sexually free.
Excerpt from “Give the Gift of Presence,” by Ada Sewell, Sex Coach U student and former Marketing Associate, originally published in December 2019
Having presence means more than simply being in the room: it means showing up—physically, mentally, and emotionally—and allowing others to access your authentic energy in a way that positively impacts the situation you’re in.
Presence is a gift that truly continues to give over and over—and if you’re being intentional about it, being present doesn’t cost a thing. Here are just a few ways you can share your presence within your professional and personal life:
- Be present during your client sessions. Our sex coaching clients don’t just expect us to be present: they need us to be present, so they can allow themselves the vulnerability that leads to change and growth. Reflect on the ways in which you show up for your clients. Do you practice active listening and make it clear to your clients that you’re hearing every word they say? Do you create an environment—whether in person or virtually—in which you present as a professional, a healer, and an ally to your client?
- Consider your presence in your community. Having the knowledge and expertise of a sex coach comes with a unique responsibility. You know better than anyone how desperately people need resources related to sexuality: education, access to healthcare, rights advocacy, and more. In what ways are you gifting your presence to communities who could really benefit from it? Any action can make a big difference, whether it’s as simple as sharing a post from a small sexuality blog with your audience, or as complex as starting an organization that aims to serve a certain population.
- Be a present professional and business owner. With a new year just around the corner, there’s no better time to look at how you’re showing up in your business. If you’re feeling constantly exhausted and overwhelmed, you may be showing up to fill too many roles and it could be time to hire help. Perhaps business has slowed down too much for your liking; it could be time to expand your presence to other media, such as YouTube, a podcast, or a revamped newsletter. Being honest about how effectively you’re spending your time and energy allows you to be present in the areas where it makes the most sense.
- Give presence to your loved ones—including yourself! As an entrepreneur, professional, and enthusiast, you may have an easy time getting absorbed in your work. As fantastic as it is to focus on your clients and your business, take care to focus on your personal life, as well. Make a point to schedule meaningful time to connect with partners, family, and friends. What’s equally important is to make time to connect with yourself. Maintain an intentional, loving self-care practice that allows you to continue being a clear and clean container and feeds your professional energy.
Whether or not you celebrate winter holidays, we hope you’ll join in on the giving spirit by sharing a gift no one else in the world can give: your beautiful, unique presence.
Your presence in our community adds something truly special, and we’re incredibly grateful for that. On behalf of our team at Sex Coach U, Happy Holidays, and thank you so much for being a part of our family!
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