I’m a sex coach in training with a passion for learning about human sexuality. That means I often read books and articles, watch shows, and listen to podcasts, all with the express purpose of seeking out new information that can be useful in my future work with clients.
Unfortunately, I recently realized that I’m very harsh towards myself every time I want to Netflix & chill, and simply watch an entertaining program. One of my favorites is The Circle, a social media competition in which one of the participants is an assistant to a sex coach. Following Alyssa’s journey made me notice how sex coaching sparks interest and enthusiasm in people who hear about it for the first time.
In this article, I’ll walk you through my reflections on practicing extreme self-care and why you shouldn’t beat yourself up for wanting to watch a cooking show instead of starting on another sexological book from your to-read list. I’ll also share with you the beauty of sex coaching as a career—the fact that it intrigues others—and explain why it’s great news for sexuality professionals like you and me. Hold on tight!
The Importance of Extreme Self-Care and Balance
Fellow sex coaches and sexuality professionals, how’s extreme self-care (ESC) going for you?
For me, practicing ESC is one of the most important lessons I’m still learning as a sex coach in training. I’m trying to maintain balance in my life as much as I can because I know that how I live my life has a huge influence on my ability to be a container for my clients.
A short time ago, I noticed that I surround myself with sexology and psychology-related topics non-stop, mainly through social media. I realized that I don’t hold enough space for myself to spend time differently and to let my mind rest. After all, at some point during the day, it’s important to get out of the work mindset to really relax.
So now I’ve officially said goodbye to mindless scrolling through videos, articles, and posts about the latest sex toys, intimacy-improving tips, solo sex positions, BDSM parties in my area, and more. Worry not, I still love it! However, for my wellbeing, I’ve decided to be more mindful about how I’m spending my time. I’m trying to focus on topics that also interest me but don’t scream SEX and that don’t make me think “I should write this down because it may be helpful in my work with clients.”
Now I listen to fantasy books more often and dream of different worlds. I go to art galleries and the park, and yes, I binge Netflix shows. All as part of my self-care routine in hopes of preventing burnout.
Feeling guilty about watching Netflix instead of being productive? No more!
At first, I was beating myself up over watching TV instead of spending my free time in a “productive” way. From talking to my friends in the field, I’m not alone. But I realized I do actually feel better after spending an hour (or more realistically, two) indulging in my guilty pleasure: competition shows on Netflix.
That’s how I recently started watching the latest season of The Circle, a competition show in which participants seek to become the top influencer. Building connections with others is the key to winning. Participants are kept isolated from one another and can only communicate through an app. Some participants create fake profiles and pretend to be someone they’re not, although the majority are playing as themselves. Every few days, they rate each other by popularity and the influencers have the power to block someone from the program. Only when someone is blocked can they visit another participant face to face. The blocked person then later leaves a message to all the participants, revealing their, real or not, identity. I find this show so entertaining and shocking as twists and cliffhangers come, that it’s one of my all-time favorites.
Lately, I started watching season four of the show and I couldn’t help but think “oh no, my job has found me” as one of the participants, Alyssa Ljubicich, turned out to be an assistant to a sex coach. However, it has been a joy for me to watch Alyssa as she brought her vulva pillow with her and gave other players sex tips. What I loved about her experience the most was the moment when the Spice Girls—yes, you’re reading that right—made a brief cameo on the program Let me share with you why…
Sex coaching intrigues others
Both Scary Spice and Baby Spice were fascinated by Alyssa’s career choice. They reacted with such enthusiasm that I remembered why I was drawn to sex coaching in the first place—it’s intriguing!
Honestly, I had heard about sexologists and sex therapists before but never of the combination of sexology and coaching, and the name itself sounded so cool to me! When I met my mentor, friend, and Certified Sex Coach, Agata Loewe-Kurilla, I immediately wanted to learn more about the profession. I envisioned sex coaches to be more sex-positive and direct in their work with clients, while applying modern tools to spread the good word of pleasure. I imagined them as people who express who they are and show their essence (or spirit if we consider the MEBES model by Dr. Patti Britton).
This curiosity can also come up for others when you introduce yourself to them. That’s the reason why, at Sex Coach U, we practice the What Do You Do (or WDYD) speech or the “elevator pitch,” –to explain what a sex coach does and what we focus on in our individual practices.
Once we answer the WDYD question, people often want to learn even more, or might want to ask questions or tell their own stories. As my friend and Sex Coach U’s Student Ambassador Amanda Vee says, “We’re always the most interesting people at parties.” We can use people’s curiosity and intrigue to open up real, organic, honest conversations that can lead to healing and transformation for people. Chances are, some of the strangers you just met would love to work with you, attend your workshops, or know someone else who would! On the other hand, those who tense up and get silent once they hear the word “sex” may not be interested in learning more, and that’s okay, too.
So, the next time you see the eyes of the person you’re talking to widen and start to shine with interest, take your time to explain to them what sex coaching is all about and ask if they have some questions. Hopefully, you’ve just found a potential client who wants to change their life and you can let them know you’d be happy to assist them on the way. Or, this person will follow in your footsteps and become a sex coach one day as well, in which case, you just met a future colleague!
Looking into the near future, I see more international platforms, like Netflix, speaking openly about sex coaching and what it has to offer. I strongly believe that would give people permission to seek our services in a world where taking the first step and coming to the session is not easy. This would allow viewers to understand that they too can visit a sexuality professional like the one they just saw on television—someone who will help them achieve the sex lives of their dreams. And, let’s be honest, it’s so important for sex coaches to have the opportunity to be in the media and spread the message of sex positivity. After all, just talking openly about sexual diversity gives people permission to explore their sexuality and to accept that what they enjoy in the bedroom is probably not “weird” but completely natural.
What was it like for you the first time you heard about sex coaching? Did it spark your interest immediately? Let us know!