Sex in Your Stars: Aries Edition is the fourth in a series of articles about the astrology of sexuality Aries. The first thing to understand about sexual astrology is, well—it’s complicated. A deeper analysis of an individual’s psyche, desire nature, kinks, and attractions considers the houses of the natal chart, the placement of Venus and Mars and their relationship to the Sun and other planets, amongst other details.

But there is a LOT to dive into when we simply use Sun sign astrology—for which all you need to know is someone’s birthday. As Sex Coaches, astrological insight into a client’s energy and personality is invaluable. The Sun is the heart of our natal fingerprint and it shines its revealing and singular light on the rest of our horoscope. When you want to understand what drives someone’s erotic nature, you should understand the Sun first. That’s why Sun sign-based relationship astrology is the stuff of legend, going back to Linda Goodman’s Love Signs in the 1970s.

We can do without the antiquated gender stereotypes of that era, however. This is love and sex sign astrology for the true Age of Aquarius—where we are wholly inclusive, embracing the LGBTQI+ and non-binary spectrum. No matter how we identify, we were all born with the Sun in a particular sign, and so were the humans we love (or hope to love and/or touch).


Aries: The Wild Warrior

Born: March 21 — April 20

Motto: I AM

Symbol: The Ram

Planetary Ruler: Mars

Element: Fire

Modality: Cardinal

Aries rules the head and face.


What is Aries energy like? It’s fevered, passionate, assertive, competitive, untamed, impatient, confident, and a bit bestial, in the best possible way. Aries can come off pushy and demanding, as if they don’t have any time to wasteespecially on anyone’s bullshit. They love to flirt, but only if it’s going somewhere (hopefully to your bed). If you bore them, they’ll aim for the exit, unless they sense you’re playing hard to get, in which case they’ll fight harder to win you, even if they didn’t want you in the first place.

Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, the fire-starter who lights the match of the world. As the infant of the cosmos, Aries is the primal scream, the sound and fury of being born ready for anything. A Ram’s legendary impatience is quite off-putting to the uninitiated, especially for more sensitive signs. But there is nothing hotter than seeing an Aries burst into flames in pursuit of something.

Mars, the planetary ruler of Aries, is fierce and first in all things. The glyph of this planet is the shield and sword (and that sword is definitely not just for slaying enemies, if you get my drift.) Ares, the Greek God of courage and war, with his sister Athena, the Goddess of intelligence, are the archetypes of Aries energy. Thus Mars, their Roman counterpart and also the planet of passion, desire, heat and energy, is associated with drive and forcefulness.

Venus (the ruler of Libra and Taurus) is the consort/partner of Mars; she’s thought of as receptive and soft while Mars is the great initiator and penetrator. (Although there are excellent arguments to be made about the power and strength of Venus, too.) The Red Planet doesn’t traffic in receptivity; this is energy that goes only outward, protruding into the world. Mars, as a planet, is a dom, not a sub. (That doesn’t mean that Aries people are always dominant in bed, but more on that in a bit.)

Although gender roles are a tricky issue in the realm of astrology, where we talk about “masculine” and “feminine” energy, patriarchy seems to play a definitive role in the way that people of all genders express Aries energy. Those socialized as male are more comfortable embodying Mars behaviors: especially aggression, physicality, willfulness, and the sheer and unadulterated confidence that a “man’s man” is allowed to possess. In societies that have been dominated by patriarchal ideas and ideals from time immemorial, Aries men are unconstrained.

Aries humans socialized as female, especially those from traditional backgrounds, can have a difficult time with these natural expressions of their sign’s energy until they un-shame themselves. An Aries woman/femme barred from moving through the world at the breakneck speed of her soul can get fairly depressed and angry. She can then turn that anger back at herself.

Urge all the Aries women/femmes in your life to feel comfortable setting the patriarchy on fire: this will free them to fully be who they are. By the same token, cis-het Aries men must fight against the instinct to categorize their women partners. The Madonna/whore trap is fairly common, especially if Aries men have been raised in an environment rife with unprocessed toxic masculinity. 

Relationship Energy

Aries are quick to decide whether or not they want you. So quick, in fact, that you may be a bit spun around by how decisive they are. They’re equally quick to decide that they do not want you, so at least they won’t keep you wondering if it’s not a match. (Unless they’re a selfish Aries who forgets to tell you that they’ve moved on, keeping you in wait.)

Upon meeting an Aries in the wild, give them approximately 5 – 30 seconds to size you up. Aries are so bound to their physicality that pheromones will do this work for them subconsciously. They may not be aware of the fact that they’re quite literally sniffing you out, but Aries, as the most purely animalistic sign, will know whether they want you as soon as they get close enough to smell you. This is why Aries generally don’t do very well using dating apps, as they need to get within inhaling distance in order to decide if it’s going to work out (even for one night). If you want to attract an Aries, don’t layer on perfume or cologne, because they need to connect to your natural scent.

If you meet an Aries at a party (remember those?) and they set their sights on you, prepare to be claimed. This sign is not about to pussyfoot around and throw you furtive glances across the room. They will pounce before anyone else has the chance to, and physically get in front of anyone who dares to interfere in their quest. If you’re introduced to an Aries that seems interested in you and you’re not feeling it, feel free to be extremely direct. They may be absolutely shocked to find out you’re not interested, but Aries are usually quick to get over rejection and move on to the next object of desire.

Aries yearn and burn, but they don’t waste a whole lot of time on the yearning part. If they want something they ask for it, nay, demand it. If the thing they want (especially a love interest) will not be theirs, they’ll usually give up after a few direct, obvious tries. (Subtlety is not their strong suit.) But of all the signs, playing hard to get can sometimes work with them, because they love nothing more than a competition. If you’re still not sure if an Aries is into you, this can be your last resort, because the moment you seem disinterested is often the moment they may notice you exist.

When it comes to casual sex, Aries are one of the most comfortable of all signs. They don’t really do complexes or guilt, especially when it comes to getting what they want. This is the sign most likely to fall accidentally into a long-term relationship after an encounter that seemed like it would be a one-night-stand. If you give it to them good, they might just keep you around for a while.

The Aries is the one in your friend group that doesn’t really feel the need to be in a relationship, as independence is their raison d’etre. This doesn’t mean they’ll refuse to shack up, but you should know that one of the reasons they’re keeping you around is so they can have immediate sexual satisfaction instead of waiting for you to come over from across town. They often put sex first and companionship second, at least in the early stages of a relationship.

If you don’t quite understand what makes an Aries tick or how their minds work, you might be really frustrated and annoyed by their fumbling attempts to communicate. Aries tend to get ahead of themselves, as if every conversation is a race to some imaginary finish line. That’s why they step on your words—not because they don’t care what you think. It’s just that their fiery brains spit out ideas and retorts at such breakneck speed that waiting their turn means risking their entire mental thread.

Yes, fighting does turn Aries people on. There is a “How an Aries Apologies” meme that goes like this: “I’M REALLY SORRY THAT YOU MADE ME SO MAD!!!!” Whether it’s a verbal joust over dinner with a potential lover or an emotional argument with a long-time partner, this sign LIVES for makeup sex. Angry sex is a definite yes, as well. Yet, unlike Scorpio, the other sign ruled by Mars, Aries tend not to hold onto their anger over time. Rather than stewing in resentment for days, weeks, months, or years, they process their anger by expressing it forcefully—and they won’t hold onto it and use it against you down the road. (Hint: you can usually f**k it out of them, if it’s not that serious. Exhausted and spent, they’ll forget why they were mad in the first place.)

The Aries Desire Matrix

a flame that symbolizes aries sexuality

Photo by Francesco Paggiaro from Pexels

The thing to understand about Aries desire is that simplicity rules. All humans are mammals, but Aries humans function more like animals than any other sign.  They are primal and, like the Rams that are their zodiacal symbol, they thrill to the chase. They can be turned on in record speed, as soon as their skin is touched, or they’re told or shown that they’re wanted. They are impulsive and their desire is often elicited in seconds.  

This is probably the most highly-sexed of all the signs. The Aries libido is like an out-of-control puppy that needs to be walked several times a day to get that excessive energy out of their system. They are almost always ready to go, and to exhaust their partners anew. Single or partnered, they tend to masturbate more than other signs. If you’re too tired to take them for a spin, make sure they get daily exercise to make up for it, or else they can transmute their sexual frustration into anger.

When it comes to enthusiastic consent with an Aries, don’t skimp on the enthusiasm. They need to be told how wanted they are, and loud moans of approval do wonders! Bells and whistles and elaborate fantasies are not necessary to light the spark of Aries desire. But once this craving is awakened, it will not go away until it is sated. This is the sign most likely to experience intense sexual frustration if someone or something turns them on and doesn’t finish them off. 

This cardinal fire sign can be extremely athletic in bed, and romps may end up with both partners soaked in sweat, as if you’ve been pushing it hard on the Peloton or in a hot yoga class for an hour. Even the quickest sessions with an Aries can be quite exhausting, as there is typically a lot of movement, including throwing or being thrown around, changing of positions, and rough-housing.

Regardless of gender, Aries are rather obsessed with the phallus, whether it’s attached to a human or it comes in dildo form. Think of the symbol for Mars, the ruling planet of Aries—they take that symbolic arrow literally. Aries people with penises can’t get enough of their own equipment, and they love it when you lavish love on their body’s arrow. Praise it with gusto, and you’ll have your Aries where you want them.

Of all the signs, Aries are most addicted to penetration, whether they are the penetrated or penetrator. Given this, having multiple dildos of different sizes around is a wise choice, whether an Aries lives with you, or even if they visit from time to time. 

For Aries, every new sexual experience, even if with a long-term partner, should feel like a hero’s journey of sorts. Aries cannot help but follow their bliss (which is to say the release of their orgasm) and the warrior in them is on a quest to unlock that triumph.

Even though this is the sign most likely to have multiple quick-and-dirty sessions in bed, and least likely to require traditional romantic accoutrements or even foreplay, you might ask them to experiment with tantric tools that encourage slowing down, breathing, and sitting with their desire instead of rushing to the finish line.

Getting Down with an Aries

With consent, being physically aggressive is usually a big turn-on for an Aries. They enjoy being ravished. They long to see and feel their lover’s desire in sudden and surprising ways. It’s not that they’re against tenderness, it’s just that if a light touch conveys middling interest, their engines will be less than revved. They love to feel that you HAVE to have them immediately, or vice versa.

Being surprised by your very visible desire when they least expect it (while they’re cooking dinner, working, or cleaning) is hard for them to resist. Saying, “I want you right now” works very well, as does the sight of your naked body. Honestly, you don’t need to be naked, all you need to do is give them the sex look and before you know what’s hit you, you’ll be against the wall, on the floor, or in the bed if you’re lucky. Aries are very attuned to the eyes and eyebrows, and sometimes just one sexy raised brow can do the trick.

Even the most vanilla Aries are generally up for some light BDSM, and because playing with the energy of dominance is a go-to for this fierce sign, you’ll often find that Rams are natural switches. This bouncing back and forth from the submissive to dominant role can happen within one session.

Pay close attention to their head, face, and hair. Try temple and scalp massage, ear kissing and biting, hair-pulling, or simply running your fingers through their hair. Aries love to drape their hair over you or to be draped by yours. Again, although they tend to like it when touch is more aggressive, this is not to say they’re against gentle touch. As long as there is variety and the heat of your desire is clear, they’ll be happy Rams. Bring the spice and the heat, and Aries will melt. This also applies to lube: the kind that warms the genitals, or incorporates spices like cinnamon are ideal for the Ram. And even though this is cliché, safe, made- for- play candle wax is often a hot yes. 

No sign is more down for a quickie, as they can go from 0 to 60 at a fast and furious speed. Aries enjoy foreplay plenty, but they’re one sign that’s happy to get right down to business if the situation is right. If you love long sessions and your Aries seems to finish before you, just know that this sign’s refractory period is shorter than most­—they’ll be ready for another go in a jiffy.

Most Compatible Signs

Sister signs Leo and Sagittarius stoke Aries’ fire. These instant and instinctual connections work because Rams feel perpetually misunderstood by earth and water signs (who often perceive Aries people to be gruff and selfish). When they hook up with a Lion or an Archer, they know their raw, urgent need to simply exist in physical form isn’t anathema. These signs also show Aries what they might grow into eventually, when they’ve allowed themselves to be tamed just a tiny bit.

Air signs are ideal matches for Aries, as Rams need that intellectual oxygen to get lit. We focus a lot on Aries’ primal nature, but it’s important to remember this sign rules the head, and thus, the brain. Getting into complex conversations about topical subjects with well-informed, well-read Geminis is delightful and necessary fuel for Aries, as is staying up all night studying algorithms with genius Aquarians.

The challenges inherent in partnerships with Capricorns and Cancers, the signs that square Aries, are about ambition and nurturing, respectively. With Goats, there is a competitive edge that turns on the Ram but can frustrate their partner, who can’t always deal with Aries’ impulsivity. With Crabs, an Aries’ seeming lack of empathy can eventually become toxic, unless the Ram is willing to learn to communicate better. But what’s so hot about these matches is precisely how different they are, which is a huge turn-on for everyone involved.

Aries’ opposite sign Libra reveals their shadow energy, which can take the Ram’s ego down a peg, showing them all the ways they don’t quite fit into polite society. If an Aries is evolved, mature, and open, they can handle this. Regardless, this is a super hot sexual connection that seems to never get stale.

The Aries Bottom Line

Aries are often accused of being selfish, but you’ll often find it’s not that they care only about their own welfare or interests—it’s that they move so fast through the world that they entirely miss obvious cues. A Ram has to learn to slow down and acknowledge that their need for speed isn’t more important than their loved ones’ and co-workers’ very existence.

Aries, again, are the brand new babies of the zodiac. It’s important to remember that even an accomplished, functioning adult Aries is in some ways always re-learning object-permanence. What they see in front of them is all that exists. Remind them of the past and warn them about the future, because they are most assuredly hanging out only in the “right here, right now.”

Even if an Aries is an old soul, they seem to be suspended in an eternal infancy, as if they’re trying everything for the first time. Why be anything less than fearless? Like a cat that just accidentally fell off the bed and landed on his feet, an Aries will stand up straight after stumbling, brush themselves off, and pretend it never happened.

Their secret is this: even if they have no idea whether they’ll do it right in the end, they’re willing to try and fail. Not because failing is okay with this egoistic sign, but because Aries can somehow make failing look like a rousing victory. That essential bravado is deeply inspirational to other signs, especially over-thinkers (looking at you, Virgo, Libra, and Capricorn).

Aries want what they want and they want it NOW. They make snap decisions based on the fire of instant intuition, and rarely ponder or meander. When they feel something, they’re not great at waiting for circumstances to play out. This is why they often start new projects (and relationships) with zeal, but give up rather quickly when it appears that additional work might be necessary. Intention is their thing; follow-up, not so much.

If you’re ready for some of the hottest sex of your life, you’re probably ready for a relationship with an Aries. Just be prepared to meet your own animal nature; because once you’ve experienced this elemental sign, your own instinctual fervor will be released, never to be put back in the bottle again.