This is the second in a series of articles about the astrology of sexuality. The first thing to understand about sexual astrology is, well—it’s complicated. A deeper analysis of an individual’s psyche, desire nature, kinks and attractions considers the houses of the natal chart, the placement of Venus and Mars and their relationship to the Sun and other planets, amongst other details. And because sociopolitical and biopsychosocial influences always play a role in the evolution of our sexuality, note that this series offers an energetic blueprint, not a complete review. 

That said,  there is a LOT to dive into when we simply use Sun sign astrology—for which all you need to know is someone’s birthday. For Sex Coaches, astrological insight into a client’s energy and personality is invaluable. The Sun is the heart of our natal fingerprint and it shines its revealing and singular light on the rest of our horoscope. When you want to understand what drives someone’s erotic nature, you should understand the Sun first. That’s why Sun sign-based relationship astrology is the stuff of legend, going back to Linda Goodman’s “Love Signs” in the 1970s.

We can do without the antiquated gender stereotypes of that era, however. This is love and sex sign astrology for the true Age of Aquarius—where we are wholly inclusive, embracing the LGBTQI+ and non-binary spectrum. No matter how we identify, we were all born with the Sun in a particular sign, and so were the humans we love (or hope to love and/or touch).

Aquarius: The Visionary

Born: January 19 – February 18

Motto: I KNOW

Symbol: The Water Bearer

Planetary Ruler: Uranus (Modern), Saturn (Traditional)

Element: Air

Modality: Fixed

Aquarius rules the calves, ankles, shins and the circulatory system.

What is Aquarius energy like? It can be weird, wild, progressive, quirky and freaky in the best possible way. Aquarians are the zodiac’s eccentric geniuses and when you’re around them, you can get a peek into the future, because they’re already there. They’re great to have around if you’re less than stellar around technologythey have a sixth sense for electronics, wired and wireless, and they’re the masters and mistresses of the Internet. Sometimes it feels like they have more of an intuition for machines than humans (more on that in a bit).

Water Bearers have a secret: as detached as they might seem, they really do want to be adored and fawned over. Their opposite sign Leo leans unabashedly all the way into the glow of the romantic spotlight, but this is the hidden Aquarian shadowthey also crave exaltation from the crowd, but furtively. The sound of applause can trigger a deep emotional response from an Aquarian, even if they’re someone who tinkers in solitude in their daily life. Part of them longs for adulation from the masses, which they sublimate into creating massive networks of friends and acquaintances that span the globe.

Their relationship to this ever-expanding network of friends is legendary. Aquarians collect interesting people from every possible walk of life. If you buck norms in any way, they’ll add you to their collection of brilliant freaks and glam geeks. They’ll notice whatever you might find less socially acceptable about yourself, even if you keep it low-keyand they’ll make you feel instantly better about it. Aquarians help others to wave their freak flags high, liberating them from proscribed norms and boring conformity.

They’re the queens and kings of the random non-sequitur, partly because they are so well-informed, but partly because the quirks of a totally unpredictable Aquarian brain can see connections in things that appear wholly unrelated to mere humans like the rest of us. Their neural network seems interlinked with the entire universe, as if they’ve already surpassed the Singularity. An Aquarian’s exceptional programming is truly something to behold.

Many who are new to astrology are shocked to find that Aquarius is NOT a water sign at all, despite the moniker “Water Bearer”it’s a super analytical air sign, driven by intellectual energy rather than emotions. Remember: it’s the Water BEARER, not the water itself. Their elixir of emotions is contained in a vessel, and sometimes this container seems to be sealed shut. Your Aquarius lover might be afraid to let any of their feelings pour out. This is the part of them that can seem inaccessible and locked up. 

Another complicated bit is that Aquarius is one of the few signs ruled by two planets, and this is the subject of an ongoing astrological argument. Traditionally, Aquarius was associated with the more conservative Saturn, but after Uranus was discovered in the 1700s, it was eventually assigned to Aquarius. Hence, many astrologers trained in the 20th century learned that Uranus rules Aquarius. Here in the early 21st century, the debate rages on. (In my experience, Saturn and Uranus can both fit the Aquarian bill, depending on the rest of the chart and the client’s life experiences.)  

Aquarius Relationship Energy

Aquarians can seem like impenetrable puzzles, even after years of partnership. Depending on your own sign, this can just make things more fun. If you’re up for constant discovery, this is probably right up your alley. But if you’re longing for someone who can look deeply into your eyes, hold that eye contact, and allow you to bare your soul while they bare theirs, you might be frustrated by the way your Aquarian interacts. Getting to know an Aquarius really well can be a very gradual process.

Regardless of whether you’re long-term or one-night-only with a Water Bearer, the only rule of thumb is to expect the unexpected. Their fixed air energy gives them an intellectual focus that can be overwhelmingly cerebral, as if they’re always about to have some kind of breakthrough idea that will help humanity.

Aquarians were likely either Super Nerds or the most popular kid in high schooland often both at the same time. Many Water Bearers were the kids that were so geeky that they were eventually cool. You may find they carry an early wound about not fitting in, however. There is something about them that cannot help but to dare to be different, and if their peers excluded them, the sting may linger. Part of their healing journey is to help others get over their own otherization.

The best relationship with an Aquarius is one that is rooted in deep, meaningful, and real friendship. If that kind of bond is the foundation for your love, you can bet that your Aquarius will want to be with you for the long haul. If you’re the kind of person that can’t handle your partner keeping all their exes around as friends, you might find yourself eternally frustrated. 

The Aquarius Desire Matrix

Two Aquarius women looking at each other longingly

Photo by Ivan Samkov from Pexels

Because they are fascinated by the entire sea of glorious humanity, this sign is the most likely to be openly and eagerly pansexual. They want to try everythingand everyone, too! But because Aquarius is a fixed sign, they can get attached to a particular idea about what it is they think they wantand then find that need hard to shake. Remember, Aquarians think before they feel. Some fetishes, although completely normal, can become a bit of an addiction that can make it hard for them to find pleasure through other outlets. 

Even if your Aquarius is decidedly not polyamorous, they seem to inherently understand the concept of “compersion,” better known in the poly world as the opposite of jealousy. They get pleasure when you experience pleasure, even and perhaps especially if that pleasure comes from other people. Aquarians don’t really get jealous, unless they sense that you’ve built a deep friendship with someone else and they’re not invited.

In this sense, an Aquarian at a sex party is there more to watch, and less to participate. There is a lot of lore about  Aquarians as the sign most likely to swing or be an orgy aficionado, but that’s just bad cookbook astrology.

If you do get them to attend a sex party, which they’re probably open to at least trying, you might find them walking around and observing, fascinated by what other people want. They’re less exhibitionists (their opposite sign, Leo, are the ones you’ll find putting on an aria of an orgasm in group sex settings). An Aquarian will see new sexual scenarios as anthropological experiments, as if they’re a slightly different species sent to a far off land to observe what humans desire.

Aquarians, ruled by both Saturn and Uranus, are weird and wild and willing to try anything (they’re the zodiac’s inimitable “trysexuals”) but some of them can come off incredibly conservative and vanilla in bed, at least at first. That’s likely because they just haven’t discovered their kink yet. There’s nothing like watching an Aquarian discover a new kink in real time. If you’re with them when they graduate from vanilla to WOW, it’s something you’ll never, ever forget. 

As technology buffs who are thought by some to be half-human, half-machine, Aquarians are totally down with sex toys of all varieties, shapes, colors, speeds, materials, and purposes. As long as it has a motor and requires being turned on, it will likely turn on your Aquarius. If you’ve been with a Water Bearer for a while and you want to shake things up, surprise them with the latest in sex tech.

Getting Down with an Aquarius

Aquarians are in their natural habitat on dating appsthis is easier for them to navigate than meeting in-person, as they integrate data bits better than body language, at least at first. You should assume that an Aquarian match has a full roster of other matches, and they may be simultaneously texting with 30 other people even as you try to get to know them. And even if they fall for none of these options and choose you, they’ll likely want to keep at least a few around as friends. Romantically, however, they are not quick to commit. Friendship always comes first.

Aquarians do casual sex exceptionally well. If you sleep over and feel like leaving after sex, don’t worry about hurting an Aquarian’s feelings. And if they want to leave your place after getting down, please do not take it personally. It’s just how they roll. This is not the kind of sign that will lose respect for you after sex on the first date; they don’t do that whole madonna/whore thing, and find conventional ideas of dating and relationships terribly old-fashioned and useless.

Aquarians can be so caught up in their heads they sometimes forget they even have a body. Like an antenna searching for signals from the universe, they’re attuned to what’s “out there” rather than what they can hear, see, smell, taste, and touch. Take them on sense journeys, calm their hyped-up nervous systems with pre-coital meditation or massage sessions (focusing on their legs, especially the calves, ankles and shins), or experiment with CBD lube to calm them as you turn them on. Getting them to slow down during sex can be challenging, but it will help them to experience an entirely different side of themselves, and to experience deeper pleasure, the kind they didn’t even know existed.

Planned sex and date-nights are less appealing to Aquarians because they love the element of surprise. Unexpected sex is often their favorite kind of sex. Make sure it’s always consensual, but don’t be afraid to initiate sex romps at odd hours of the day, and in random places like the kitchen counter. They are usually down for quickies in the middle of the workday, so if you find them tinkering with code on their computer, that might just be the perfect time to beckon them to bed (or just do it on the desk.)

Most Compatible Signs for Aquarius

Fellow air signs Gemini and Libra easily align with their Aquarian brothers and sistersthey can talk for hours about everything without getting bored. Despite the intense intellectual compatibility here, physical chemistry can be a bit off as both signs are stuck in their heads. The body must be along for this ride for it to work and for it to last. 

Fiery Aries and Sagittarius perfectly stoke the airy Aquarian in all the right spots. This is a SUPER HOT connection, both in bed and elsewhere. 

Leos will make Aquarians deal with their hearts, something they’re not always so keen to do, but this shadow dance can reveal buried emotional depths and lead to breakthroughs. 

The other fixed signs, Taurus and Scorpio, can be challenging pairings, but they can also help to wake up Aquarian desire in unexpected ways, taking them deeper than they ever dared to go. 

The Aquarius Bottom Line

The Beatles were channeling a serious Aquarian vibe when they wrote, “I get by with a little help from my friends.” Aquarians are just better at deeply relating to all of humanity at once. When it’s one other person, they can switch to a more mechanical mode, as they are reluctant to let those always-contained feelings flow.

They have alluring, irresistible minds and they may not even notice they’re seducing you with their smarts until it’s a done deal. But as much as they’re always chasing that breakthrough, you may sometimes feel that they put the whole of humanity above your own immediate emotional and sexual needs.

Healthy communication can soften their tendency to completely miss every single cue you put out there, including body language you think is obvious. This cute, quirky little robot can be trained and programmed! But you have to decide if you’re up for that particular IT job.

If you fancy an Aquarius, the first thing you’ll need to do is respect their freedom, because if you don’t, they’ll demand it. If you embark on a relationship with a Water Bearer, short or long-term, there will never be a dull moment.

Your Aquarius lover may sometimes feel like your sweet little alien. They’re far-out, up in the stars, and always miles ahead of the rest of us. Finding and falling for one can be exceptionally life-changing and liberating, giving you a peek into the universality of everything. If you’ve always wanted to share your bed with Einstein, trading equations all through the night, this is your go-to sign.

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