Sex in Your Stars: Libra Edition. This is the tenth in a series of articles about the astrology of sexuality. The first thing to understand about sexual astrology is, well—it’s complicated. A deeper analysis of an individual’s psyche, desire nature, kinks and attractions considers the houses of the natal chart, the placement of Venus and Mars and their relationship to the Sun and other planets, amongst other details.
But there is a LOT to dive into when we simply use Sun sign astrology—for which all you need to know is someone’s birthday. As Sex Coaches, astrological insight into a client’s energy and personality is invaluable. The Sun is the heart of our natal fingerprint and it shines its revealing and singular light on the rest of our horoscope. When you want to understand what drives someone’s erotic nature, you should understand the Sun first. That’s why Sun sign-based relationship astrology is the stuff of legend, going back to Linda Goodman’s Love Signs in the 1970s.
We can do without the antiquated gender stereotypes of that era, however. This is love and sex sign astrology for the true Age of Aquarius—where we are wholly inclusive, embracing the LGBTQI+ and non-binary spectrum. No matter how we identify, we were all born with the Sun in a particular sign, and so were the humans we love (or hope to love and/or touch).
Libra: The Enchanter
Born: September 22 – October 21
Motto: I BALANCE
Symbol: The Scales
Planetary Ruler: Venus
Libra rules the kidneys, bladder, lumbar region/lower back, and endocrine system.
What is Libra energy like? It’s charming, charismatic, poised, enchanting, rational, enviably artistic, and HAWT, yet sometimes a bit saccharine and superficial. The Libra’s secret is that they fear being alone; this is why they’re so good at turning on the charm and finding potential partners around every corner. Their life mission is to fly solo for just enough time to find their inner fire, so they can be independent even within their holy grail of relationships.
As a cardinal air sign, Libras really wanna be startin’ something—and that something is usually beguiling romantic partners. They are born flirts, yet their flirting style is so effortless you’ll have no idea what hit you until you’re smitten and your tongue is hanging out of your mouth. Virgo, the mutable earth sign before Libra, comes to love and lust furtively, overanalyzing every detail. Scorpio, the fixed water sign after Libra, comes to love and lust like a mysterious, heat-seeking bullet that cannot be stopped until it gets what it obsessively wants. Libra is the sweet and balanced spot between these two zodiacal relational styles. Equally calm and cunning, you’re drawn to them as they make you feel that everything in life is beautiful.
Libras, regardless of gender or sexuality, can be the classic “trophy wife” type. They’re usually pretty in the conventional sense, and even if they’re not traditionally attractive in the way their particular culture tends to reward, they’ll find a way to be gorgeous through their sartorial style, mannerisms, or cocktail chatter charm. They’re ruled by Venus, and when you’re around a Libra, you can practically hear the Goddess of love whispering, “Is this not the most beautiful creature you’ve ever seen?” in your ear.
Companionship is their raison d’etre, but problems arise when Libras roll over too much to keep you happy, and then end up begrudging you because they have been exceedingly pliable and perfect, catering to your whims. These are the consequences for a common Libra problem: doormat syndrome. Libras of all genders tend to know how pretty they are and they’re not afraid to wield that beauty like a weapon when they have a goal in mind, yet they can come to resent their role as the gorgeous glamour girl (or boy).
Libras expect to be liked, because most of the time, people like them instantly, from very picky friends to the dog groomer to your kid’s teacher or the cashier at the pharmacy. When they encounter the rare person who isn’t immediately smitten by their irresistible charm, the Libra can be a bit stumped and devastated by it, then try to fix it with yet more charm, until it backfires.
The Libran scales suggest an ever-evolving quest for balance, and this can also indicate a natural sexual fluidity. Bisexual and pansexual Libras are not uncommon as Libra falls in love with beauty first—gender isn’t necessarily top of mind for this intellectual air sign.
Libras may look perfectly poised and put together, sound placid, and convey a calm exterior, but the inner struggle for balance is real. Libras are constantly tossed and turned between potential outcomes. Because of this, they famously hate having to make final decisions, from what to choose on a dinner menu to who to commit to for life.
Libra shares their Venusian rulership with Taurus, a fixed sign that channels the sensual, earthy energy of the Goddess of love. Libras tend to channel the museum-quality, fine art aspect of Venus—the Venus de Milo (representing Aphrodite, the Greek counterpart to Venus) up on a pedestal, one that mere mortals can only admire, not necessarily get very close to.
Libras tend toward a model of exquisiteness to be worshipped and gazed upon, unlike their Taurus compatriots, who will gladly roll around in the mud with you all day, just to experience that sensation. Libras prefer not to get dirty enough to look or feel like an animal. Though happily, some can be taught to appreciate the pleasures of pure carnality—more on that in a bit.
Libra Relationship Energy
Meeting a Libra in the wild can be slightly intimidating, not because they mean to be unapproachable, but because they’re just so pretty and charming it’s impossible not to be disarmed. Their charisma is a balm to all, regardless of romantic interest, as they know how to flash a smile at the right moment and always say the right thing. They may not feel balanced in their own body/mind, always teetering on the seesaw of their justice-seeking soul, but they have a way of making you feel balanced after a few minutes of chatting. They rarely seem awkward (even if they secretly feel awkward).
Embarking on a relationship with a Libra, the sign is classically known as the “relationship sign,” can be fraught with expectations—ones that the Libra sets up at the outset. Because Libras tend to rhapsodize about partnership to extraordinary levels of over-the-top storybook romance, they can put the proverbial cart before the horse. If things look good on paper—if YOU look good on paper, a Libra is more likely to fall for you.
A Libra’s compulsion to compromise can make it difficult to get into the darker corners of your connection with them. They can’t really accept that at some point, every couple needs to have a first fight, and to continue to argue once in a while to fully understand where the other is coming from. Libra despises and fears conflict as if it’s a dangerous virus. Quarreling can make them feel shaky and unwell. They’ll almost always say, “You’re right,” rather than face any potential aggression or even mild disagreement.
Libras are the zodiac’s Reciprocity Representatives. They understand that give and take is the best practical framework for a healthy relationship. Given their Venusian rulership, there are, of course, some lazy Libras who’d rather let their partner do all the work, including emotional labor and housework. But for the most part, if you scratch their back, they’ll scratch yours (extremely erotically).
Libras are sometimes so obsessed with keeping up with appearances it can grow tiresome, and this is especially the case when you want them to feel into an emotional issue. They want you, as a couple, to look like you’ve always got it together. They want to be the glossy magazine cover example of the pre-divorce Brangelina of the early 2000s. They will not allow your neighbors to hear yelling coming from your house (this is in part why they will agree with you when they don’t really, truly agree). They want to perform beauty for friends, family, neighbors, and strangers at the supermarket.
Libras are stunningly proficient at compartmentalizing. One issue with this is that even as Libra is a sign that professes to love relationships—a sign that loathes being alone and covets partnership almost at all costs—they can be rather secretly non-monogamous. This is because, even after you’ve been married to them for 20 years, they’re still weighing the pros and cons of committing to you. The “bed death” that comes for many relationships at two or five or seven years in (unless they hire a great sex coach!) doesn’t faze a Libra—they’ll just aim their charm at an appealing stranger or past lover, and because they’re so good at controlling their own minds, they won’t even feel like they’re cheating. It’s wise to have any conversations about opening a relationship with your Libra partner at the beginning—before you’re even considering opening it up.
The Libra Desire Matrix
What does a Libra want? To create and be adjacent to beauty at all times—and that includes in the bedroom. Eroticism is an art form for a Libra, and they’re usually not short on creative ideas. They crave beauty 24-7, 365, from every angle.
A Libra’s relationship to sensuality is complex. Venus, as their planetary ruler, attunes them to the fine art of feeling good—and making their partners feel good. Note that the latter often trumps the former, and they tend to derive pleasure out of providing pleasure. Yet as much as they seem to have magic fingers (and tongues) and can make you feel like sublime putty in the hands of a sophisticated artiste of the sensual realm, there is something about the Libra that sits at a bit of a distance while they’re in the act.
This is where Libras diverge from their Venusian sister sign Taurus, who revels in a deep dive of sensual expression, both channeling it and delivering it. Libras understand erotic dynamics almost automatically—this is why they can touch your body softly and intuitively and bring you waves and waves of delicious orgasm in a way that seems effortless. Yet with Libra, the performative instinct can triumph over the instinctual one. It can be a delicious challenge to help your Libra experience a free-flowing sensuality that goes both ways.
Airy Libras can get stuck in their minds and lose their energetic connection with their own erogenous zones. This doesn’t mean they’ll waver in pleasuring yours—it simply means that sometimes they perform pleasure more than they experience it. Libras will not stop mid-coitus even if they’ve lost their own mojo, because they know that compromise is at the heart of everything. Libras will sometimes, unfortunately, agree to sexual liaisons they’re not in the mood for as the consummate people-pleasers of the zodiac.
Because Libras aim for beauty at all costs, they can be as icky and picky about sexual messes as Virgos, their cosmic forebears. They do not like bodily fluids (yet some are strangely obsessed with hearing about the taste of their own, as if it’s the elixir of the Gods). Anything out of balance is a turn-off, including recently sex-soiled sheets, sweaty post-coital bodies, smeared makeup, and anything else that doesn’t feel gorgeous.
More than that, they want to be pretty and/or handsome for you. Some Libras can’t abide anything less than perfect production values, even in bed. Our Instagram-besotted culture doesn’t help, and of all the signs, this can hurt the preternaturally beautiful Libra the most. For a Libra to be wholly satisfied, they have to stop thinking about how things look and open up to how they feel.
The Libra is always chasing/avoiding their shadow, the animalistic, hungry, horny-on-main Aries. Libras would prefer not to let their basest hunger drive the proceedings. Rather, they want to create a flawless, elegant experience that’s appealing enough to be stored in an artist’s archive. If you can somehow knock them off that museum-quality pedestal and make them lose their mind through ecstatic pleasure, you’ll have provided your Libra with a major breakthrough.
Getting Down with a Libra
With a Libra, the aesthetic is the thing. Dress up (but don’t be gaudy), take them to a beautiful space, eat beautiful food off beautiful dishes, and say beautiful words. Congratulations—that’s the foreplay your Libra was hoping for.
Back at the ranch, don’t skimp on the ambiance. The better your taste, the better the Libra will feel in your lair. You don’t want it to be too much—ease up on the elaborate sex den vibe and keep it classic and elegant. Libras are not naturally leather and restraint types—a bit of velvet or silk, carefully draped, will do the trick. Just make sure that every sense is subtly attended to, from visual to scent, sound, taste, and texture.
Allow a Libra to indulge in their erotic performance upon your body, because there is a knock-on effect. As long as they’re not interrupted or thrown out of their flow, turning you on should turn them on, too. They’re big on elaborate romantic fantasies and mental stimulation, so the more open you are to playing these out, the more fun you’ll have together.
Gentle massage of their lower back, light scratching, and most of all, wrapping your whole body around them from behind, with your genitals pressed against their lumbar region—this drives Libras insane. Libras have sensitive kidneys and must stay hydrated, but at the same time, you don’t want them to be over-hydrated and have to pee multiple times during your sex romp.
Libra has rulership over the endocrine system, which is to say they’re hormonally- sensitive. Sudden rushes of testosterone can send Libras of all genders on a horny spiral. Menstruating Libras are quite sensitive to the vagaries of their cycles, with an extreme libidinal energy flow before they ovulate. You might want to use this information to plan dates.
Most Compatible Signs for Libra
Sister air signs Gemini and Aquarius are compatible with Libra. They stir the Libra’s intellectual, sapiosexual sweet spot. Banter, flirting, brilliant bon mots and gentle verbal jousting make these connections super hot before anyone touches anyone else’s body. The sexual tension is sometimes all in the words you’re trading. In fact, the only drawback here is that you might never get to the actual, physical sex, because you’re so busy sexting like the geniuses you are. These can be lifelong love affairs, however, because there’s a ton of mutual respect for one another’s minds. With Gemini, Libra keeps things light and airy, and going deep can be rare—and often challenging, because neither party wants to deal with darker emotions. With Aquarius, the dialogue can go deeper and get more philosophical, yet the Libra might have even more trouble unlocking their own sensuality in bed with the most analytical sign of all. Experimental Aquarians can help release any latent kinky curiosity a Libra might be harboring, however.
Libras are also compatible with fiery Leos and Sagittarians, two signs especially blessed by the sweet air energy of the scales. We astrologers call the aspect between air signs and fire signs a “sextile” and it doesn’t seem to be accidental. Libras bring a sense of peace and calm to Leos when they go on a drama bender, and Lions deliver some much-needed gusto and verve to otherwise placid and agreeable Libras. Libras bring a stillness to Sagittarians when they go on a political rant and teeter on their soapbox. And when Libra goes to bed with either of these signs, sparks fly in exactly the right direction. Ample fun and pleasure can be had by all.
Cancer and Capricorn square Libra, bringing some challenge and conflict to the mix. This doesn’t mean these pairings won’t work in the long-run, but communication can be especially difficult. A Capricorn might seem too rigid and straightlaced for a creative Libra, but they’ll appreciate the Cap’s instinctive level-headedness and worldly ambition. Sex, however, can be a bit boring unless each partner is willing to be vulnerable and talk about what they like. Cancers can come off as hyper-emotional and even whiny to Libras that believe in social niceties and won’t cry in public. Yet when they sleep together, the Cancer can open a deeper emotional dimension the airy, intellectual Libra didn’t even know existed within them.
When the balance-seeking Libra encounters fiery, combustible Aries, their shadow/opposite sign and the infant/initiator of the zodiac, a conflagration can’t help but rise up in both bodies. That heady Libran air fuels Aries fire, and the base Ram cannot help but feel even more out of control of their libido than usual. The Libra may find themself simultaneously repelled and compelled, as they’re looking directly into their soul’s mirror when they gaze at an Aries—this is the physical manifestation of all the things the polite, pretty Libra has learned to deny. In bed, however, Libra can finally, fully, and instinctually embody the Venusian sensuality they often perfunctorily perform with other partners. The passionate touch of an Aries lover sets their body on fire, and they embrace their visceral, hungry, passionate core of cores. This cosmic couple often falls into the fucking and fighting relationship framework, breaking up and making up over and over again.
The Libra Bottom Line
Libra’s glyph is the scales (they’re the only sign not represented by a living being) which would lead you to believe they exude balance and harmony. It’s true that they love justice, fairness, and equanimity in their personal lives and seek it for the collective. But the truth about Libras is this: they’re constantly in search of balance, and they rarely if ever feel like they possess it.
Libras can compartmentalize like nobody’s business. As a masculine air sign, they can immerse themselves so fully in the mental realm, they forget that someone or something made them feel sad, angry, or fearful earlier that day. They can instantly click into the more protected regions of their brain like they’re closing and hiding a file on the desktop of their mind. But trust that those pesky emotions are there somewhere, just temporarily obscured from view. It may be your job to help your Libra reopen that file and face its contents at some point. They are notoriously frustrating to therapists, only showing their socially acceptable self until they are too broken down to keep hiding what’s inside. Tapping into rage helps them heal.
Libras find their balance when they identify their real needs, stop being afraid to ask for what they want, and learn to act a little more like an Aries—their opposite sign. Getting in touch with that fiery core, even if it scares them, will liberate them from societal conventions and help them stop being too nice, which often comes at their own expense. Once Libras learn to stand up for themselves and realize that sometimes, there is a right answer, not just a wishy-washy middle ground, they become all powerful.
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